By Lauren Englet
In the grand scheme of things, 22 is not a large nor intimidating number. Many people sigh nostalgically, craving their twenties with a conversational, syrupy-sweet fervor. What is in the rearview often seems to be the most appealing: your twenties, the heavyweight champion of this particular form of longing. Feeling your way around and not having anything figured out is never more romanticized than it is now, and I have yet to figure out how to feel about not having it figured out myself.
I was born on November 11, 2001, a living, breathing “Make a wish.” Until the age of 11, I believed that casting a wish when the clock struck 11:11 was something only I did. Now, I may be the only one that does not. Birthdays and I have been synonymous with one another for as long as I can remember. My mom has treated every passing year as something to celebrate, so I quickly learned to do the same.
As I approach my 22nd year, I am confronted with three things: 1) The reality that life, an everchanging and unpredictable force, is about to be reshaped in a new, exciting, daunting way. 2) I am a kaleidoscope of jagged edges and nostalgic thought patterns, missing and feeling everything deeply. And 3) What was I made for?
While there is often a rose-colored lens placed over one’s journey through their twenties, the ache of growing is left out of the recanting of boozy college memories and Trader Joe’s frozen dinners. I have learned more about myself from 18 to 22 than I could have ever thought possible. Life has changed in incredibly unexpected ways, sometimes painful, others triumphant, and some landing right in the middle. “I am 22 with my whole life in front of me” is steeped in as much joy as grief. Just as I am excited about new cities, new jobs, and new people, I am longing for one last cuddly afternoon with my deceased childhood dog. Where I am enthusiastically opening myself up to new lived experiences, I still miss getting ready for school in the mornings with my little sister on the other side of my wall.
Life comes at you fast, and often in ways you will stand back, reeling from and relishing in simultaneously. And so, this November 11, I will celebrate the past versions of myself that brought me to this moment, the people that have made the place, the life I have the privilege of living. I am 22! Jand I am 22! Lcan exist harmoniously together, and I can’t wait to see what comes next.
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